from the archive- on the road in the south island

It's so weird writing these from the archive posts because I read them and I can just barely recognise the person who wrote them. This post was from a time in my life where I was struggling but pretending I wasn't. I was going through something really really hard and I never talked to anyone about it and just tried to pretend it didn't exist. It's funny because I look back on these photos and think oh my god I was having a great time but that's not really how it was. In reality I was probably the most fragile I'd been in years and trying so hard to make it look like I was enjoying myself- partly to kid myself into believing it, partly so my Dad wouldn't worry about me, and partly for social media because if no one knows what's really going on in your head the problem will go away, right?

"My dad and I roadtripped from the North Island to almost the bottom of the South Island in December. I shivered myself to sleep on the overnight ferry cos we didn't think to bring blankets. My swimsuit never had time to dry. I was out of reception half the time. I managed to be in charge of music (anything but rap though because my dad is in his 50s and listens to Al Green.) Spent a lot of time rolling my eyes and fending off questions abut my future. The views were insane and the weather was as moody as I felt. Dad's main goal of the trip was bird watching and nature walks, mine was to spend as much time under salt water and covered in sand as possible. Saw some cool plants. Drove through some shitty towns. Counted hawks. Ate avocados. Found some stones that looked like little planets. Appreciated nature. Lost my cap on the fucking ferry. Lost my bracelet at the hot springs. Recharged. Went too hard on the tanning. Daydreamed a lot. Here are some photos and doodles, with love from the rainy north island where I'm recovering from a hard few days of being back on the gym / work / trying to get my shit together grind xxx"